I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
