I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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