everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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