Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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