I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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