you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
