i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
