I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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