he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
