i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
