stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
