That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
