My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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