I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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