my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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