Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
