You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
