the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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