we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
