We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i will never coherently bang her
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
