I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
