dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
