Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
