im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
