Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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