I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
