There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
