I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
