I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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