In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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