That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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