She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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