Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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