Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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