I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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