She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
