My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
