I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
