Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
