Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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