She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize