in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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