i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
