My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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