..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize