Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
