Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
