Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize