dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
