So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
