My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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