i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize