at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
third nipple confirmed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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