yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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