I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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