you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He passed out mid-signature
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
