at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
