just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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