I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
