Plan B is the new Plan A
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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