Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
