can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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