kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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