You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
