my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
