I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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