Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
