So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
