You smell like a Billy Joel song
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
