Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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