TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
