im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
