why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You are a genius and a whore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
