You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
