im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize