It's like God shit irony all over that family
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
