Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
