I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
