Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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