As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
