in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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